I believe in the HUMAN spirit.

Sometimes there are bumps in the road of life and sometimes there are hills but, for some, there are mountains... I think I may be facing Everest.  As a person who never asks for help, creating a page here is somewhat of a daunting task for me but, I do not know what else to do.

I am in severe money trouble.  My life has come to a screeching halt because of it.  I have been forced out of college due to my inability to pay tuition.  As someone who comes from a severely abusive family, and in my infinite wisdom as a naieve college freshman I decided to obtain credit cards so that I would not be a burden to my parents.  I used the cards to pay for things like books, food, rent, and so on.  I knew nothing of things like intrest rates and finance charges.  I was unable to get much aid for college because my gambling addicted alcoholic father and bipolar alcoholic mother claim me on their tax returns to get the tax break however, they did not assist with my tution.  And since the federal government does not take things like that into account (at least to my knowledge), I was forced to obtain federal and private student loans to pay my tuition. 

I also found out later, that my father was obtaining loans and credit cards in my name to pay for his own problems.  So here I am with no college degree and $58,000 in student loan and credit card debt.  As you can see by that high dollar amount, I decided to attend a private college which, now that I think about it may not have been the best financial choice.

I am currently living with an aunt and uncle trying like hell to keep my head above water so that I can pay my bills.  After an altercation with my father that resulted in me being used as a punching bag, I had to get as far away from him as possible which is why I am living with my aunt and uncle.  I am working full time as a waitress at a fine dining establishment however it is not enough and I am considering taking the overnight position offered to me at a nearby gas station so that I can make ends meet and get an apartment as soon as possible because I hate the burden that I have become.

I do not know what to do.

I am only 22 years old and I am going to be in debt for a very long time.  I cannot go back to school because I need to work to pay my bills and no one in their right mind will give me another loan to cover the costs of education.  I do not want to struggle like this forever.  I have been struggling to make ends meet for a very long time.  I sacrifice a great deal so that I do not miss payments.  This may sound superficial but I have not bought myself new clothes in probably two years, all my jeans have holes in them, and I don't have the money to care.

There are people in this world who are much worse off than I am.  I know that and I feel extremely guilty about complaining however, I am also one to give when I don't have it to give.  I have so much to offer this world.  I dream of being a teacher and a foster parent.  I dream of changing the world.  I dream of retiring into an old farmhouse with 10 extra rooms so that I can help those in need... "take in strays" I like to say.  All I want is a chance and right now, I see that chance fading.

I look at famous people with their money and their cars and think to myself, $58,000 would be like 100 bucks maybe less to someone like Paris Hilton, John Travolta, or Oprah and I find myself being so jealous of their fortunes.  Rich people parade their material possessions all over the television and I am sitting here wondering if I am going to be able to afford gas to get to work, or dinner.  Its wrong to feel the way I do, but I can't help it.  I work my butt off for my measly paycheck and all they have to do is say, buy Nike shoes and they get 2 million in endorsements.  Oh, well.

How can I begin my life when I am already so far behind?  Is there something I can do that doesn't require something like welfare?  I would love to answer any questions that anyone may have so that you can better understand my predicament.  Things are hard and I am plugging along but, this is not the life that I want and I will do whatever it takes to make things better... I just don't want to be 50 years old making my final student loan payment wasting my life trying to make those payments.  Its beginning to look pretty grim for my future.  All I ask is for advice and prayers.  Thank you for listening.